InsideOut dating guide: in a new monthly series, our relationships expert, Sarah Abell, looks at dating issues and offers readers her practical advice. This month, she looks at how to end a relationship if it isn’t working
First things first, you need to decide whether the relationship really is over
or if what you are going through is just a little bump on the road to true
love.
It can be a shock in any dating relationship when you have your first argument
or notice a really annoying habit in your partner that you hadn’t seen
before. The temptation can be to throw in the towel at the first sign of a
problem but the reality is that all relationships take work. Even in the
best relationships there will come a time when you need to recognise the
differences between you, resolve conflict and face up to the fact that your
partner isn’t perfect after all.
But what happens when the rose tinted glasses come off and you realise that
you really don’t love (or even like) this person anymore? What if you can no
longer see yourself in a long-term relationship with them? What if you can’t
be yourself when you are with them? What if you have discovered that they
are abusive, unkind, dishonest or unfaithful? In these cases, the time may
well have come to end the relationship.
Ending a relationship is never easy. It helps to try to do it as soon as
possible after you’ve made the decision, because delaying the inevitable can
make things worse, as Sophie discovered.
“I had dated Charlie for three years, we were living together, he had moved
cities to be with me and was very much a part of my family. We were very
much in love but I had realised that I didn’t want to marry him, so decided
I had to end our relationship. It was a few weeks before Christmas and I
confided in my mother, who insisted that I had to wait until after Christmas
to break up with Charlie as he was joining us on our family Christmas
holiday. He has no family where we live, and she thought it would be just
‘too mean’.
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